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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

In Hopes...

As the day becomes night, the sun falling
beyond hills, gentle breezes grace my skin,
the leaves dancing against the dim colours.

The slight glimpse, feeling you just to my right,
I find myself turning, believing for...
just for an instant, I begin to share.

Realizing the cliche rising beyond,
wanting just this once to tell you my day,
knowing 'God needed you more than I did.'

Still, as the moments flash memories here,
I am drawn to sharing my special thought,
Just one more time, if only it could be.

The years of travelling through life's journey,
all the unanswered questions collecting,
yet the mind knows, 'It was your time to go.'

But the heart still feels, a breeze touches my cheek,
and still from the corner of my eye, I...
well up, ready to ask, to share this thought.

Yet I know this cannot happen, not now,
reason begins its climb, reaching summits,
telling me you are not here, not really...

Yet somehow, a calmness envelopes me,
my breathing slows, contentment of my heart
knows... knows that somehow you were listening.

Somehow, though I can not see your eyes tear,
still the embrace, comforts as you once did,
celebrates those special moments, in hopes...

Petrina Lesko
May 2011

A couple of weeks ago would have marked the 27th year since my mother passed on to better things... a better place.  With Mother's Day being just around the corner (and it landing on her birthday as it often did), I have found myself deeply engrossed in thoughts of her... of all the things and the time that we missed out on.  Over the years, periodically, as I'm sure most of us do when we miss someone dearly, I have wanted to share special moments in my day.  Or ask that all important question... and have found myself turning to speak to her, then reality strikes like a lightening bolt, reminding me she is gone.

This year has been a very exciting year for me.   It's been almost eleven months of a very strong, empowering experience here in blog land.  With each post, a little voice asks, 'Where would her red marks be?  What would she tell me to phrase differently?'   She was an English Major in college... smiles... I can remember as a child, her even taking red pen to our shopping lists and correcting our grammar.  At the time, I was not very impressed, but boy do I miss it now!  One of my posts, a poem from back a bit (find it here ), was actually a rewrite of a short story she had written in college for the school magazine.  (I wrote it from the child's perspective as it was a true story based on a very difficult decision she was faced with making.)  Now, being that the writer in me has been so prolific for quite a while, probably one of the most profound questions I find myself pondering... 'Would she truly like what I have written?  What would she have thought of my poetic version of her story?'  Then when moments become calm, and my heart stills for a bit, I know that since I knew her, I know already... what she would think.  But now, as an active writer, I sure do miss the Editor, always available to teach...

So hopefully you all don't mind my sharing this, but...  this one's for you Mom.  Happy Mother's Day, Happy Birthday!  I write this in hopes...  that you truly like it...

Follow this link to read other wonderful poetry posted for One Shot Wednesday over at One Stop Poetry.

11 comments:

Brian Miller said...

beautiful piece and a fitting tribute...i am sorry for your loss...my MIL passed away a few years ago and mothers day is tough for my wife...keep laying it down...

trisha said...

this is one of our greatest losses i believe, esp for us, women.

its inevitable but that doesnot ceases the pain by an ounce.

Olivia said...

From the start I knew it was about your mother!
I lost my mom when I was 17.. Ever since I have been leading a nomadic life literally.. as if I lost the anchor.. alas!

Only last year on her death anniversary a strange thing had happened.. incase you would want to read- Mourning upon a birdie's death

Your words just echoed my loss too!
Hugs xox

Ann Grenier said...

This poem brings tears to my eyes, Petrina. A beautiful tribute.

ayala said...

Sorry for your loss... my dad passed away on Mother's Day weekend three years ago and my mom passed away 15 months later.

Southwest Arkie said...

Petrina, this one is so profound- especially like "feeling you just to my right,
I find myself turning, believing for...
just for an instant, I begin to share."

Louise Gallagher said...

As a mom all I can say is -- wow! Beautiful tribute. Beautiful piece..

Thanks for your comments on my place too -- I'm breathing into my soul.

Dee Martin said...

A beautiful tribute to your mother - I think she would be very proud :)

blossomdreams said...

This brought tears to my eyes - it's such a beautiful tribute to your mother and is so well written.

I would love to subscribe to your blog but cannot see how to do so...can you add me somehow? Thanks! Chloe xx

Jim Swindle said...

Thanks for this tribute. Keep writing.

Victoria said...

Petrina, this touched me deeply. You have expressed the essence of the grief process. The ones we lose are with us and little things surprise us, stirring memories. As an "old" hospice nurse, I don't believe in the whole closure-thing...just new ways of being with loved ones. Happy Mother's Day.