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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sweet Dreams said...

'Sweet dreams' said as I laid to rest,
Into silence, await the screams,
Evil speaks there within my dreams.

Welcome friend, please come be my guest,
For in this night, you'll lose your sight,
Evil speaks strong, evil speaks best.

For in the darkness, so it seems,
'Sweet dreams' said as you laid to rest.

'Sweet dreams' said as I laid to rest,
Hot is the fire to burn the beams,
Embers carry, the ash it gleams...

Hollow remains of nights their test,
Embers spark light, shadows dark might,
Suns setting east, rising due west...

In the darkness, evil yet screams,
'Sweet dreams' said as we laid to rest.

Petrina Lesko
May 2011

This an attempt at a dark piece, set in high octain as offered by One Stop Poetry on Monday, a lesson and form shared/created by Luke Prater.  Not sure how well I have done, but this was my first try at this fascinating form.  Stop by over at One Stop Poetry for OSW to read other fascinating poetry shared there.

12 comments:

cosmos cami said...

I really like how this flows. I like the repetition and the rhythm.
Excellent one-shot!

Olivia said...

Very well expressed how it usually goes.. There's a certain rhythm of darkness n restfulness in it- I say it's in perfect harmony!

Very many hugs xox

thoughtsofapatcheduptraveler said...

I've written several of Luke's Octain Refrains and read many. I absolutely love your refrain. It adds depth to the entire poem. Your High Octain is wonderful and reads effortlessly. I'm going to make sure he sees this one. Well written.

Beth

ayala said...

Well done...:)

Luke Prater said...

Yes it is excellent. Kudos, Petrina. One of the finest I've read for the prompt; perhaps just one too many instances of the word 'evil' (a word to think three times before using in poetry in my opinion)

Great piece

Luke

Anna said...

I like the "suns setting east, rising due west"... what an interesting twist. Very nice!

Brian Miller said...

you pull off dark well....that which lurks in our minds after the lights goes out can be rather scary...

versebender said...

Good morning. This is very well done. I am no expert on form and "high octain" sounds like an expensive gasoline...but...this is a darkly wonderful piece. The structure is clearly visible and the rhyme and meter are tight. This is a great line: "Suns setting east, rising due west..." Well done. Vb

Claudia said...

ha nice - another high octain - well written!

Kavita said...

Woowww...dark and yet so very inviting! The night has so many things to offer... no? Very nicely written, my friend..

I am no expert at poetry forms, but all I can say is that the form you chose here suited the content PERFECTLY well.. and that you have conveyed your message most effectively! Bravo!!

Ann Grenier said...

Petrina,I haven't tried the high octain, you're ambitious and have done well. I thought of the CA fires which I imagine elicit incredible fear, yet serve as perfect metaphor for the dark thoughts of mid-nights.

Bluebell Books said...

fun to write for challenge...

In general, we write a poem, find an image to illustrate or reflect our work, Now, let’s go reverse, we provide you an image,

Invite you to contribute a poem or a short story based on the image you see,

Be creative,
Have fun!

Hope to see you in...

Bluebell Books!
Xoxox