Of clouded moments thickened stagnant air,
Petrina Lesko
August 2011
This poem was written for both Magpie Tales which provided this wonderful photo prompt and for this week's Poetry Potluck over at Jingle Poetry where the topic is Love... and it's not being there. I was also attempting my first try at the Rhyme Royal form, however, I think some of my feet are not in true iambic pentameter. The rhyme scheme for this form is a-b-a-b, b-c-c or a-b-a, b-b, c-c. I really like the possibilities of this form so I will probably continue to work on it.
Adding a link to dVerse ~Poets Pub for OpenLinkNight.
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| Image by Skip Hunt as shared at Magpie Tales |
Of clouded moments thickened stagnant air,
like towers of cumulonimbus dreams,
filled droplets of time, memories lie there,yet sunstripped days wait to slice, thus it seems,
showering this moment in fantasies,
of your touch, cutting deep into the heart,
always...forever, til death us do part.
Rusted sunshine twirls the blade so neatly,
cuts deep in time, of a long ago day,
the soul dies with a love shared once sweetly,
leaving pieces of dreams sprinkled this way,
showering this moment in fantasy,
of your touch, striking deep into the heart,
always...forever, til death us did part.
Petrina Lesko
August 2011
This poem was written for both Magpie Tales which provided this wonderful photo prompt and for this week's Poetry Potluck over at Jingle Poetry where the topic is Love... and it's not being there. I was also attempting my first try at the Rhyme Royal form, however, I think some of my feet are not in true iambic pentameter. The rhyme scheme for this form is a-b-a-b, b-c-c or a-b-a, b-b, c-c. I really like the possibilities of this form so I will probably continue to work on it.
Adding a link to dVerse ~Poets Pub for OpenLinkNight.
41 comments:
What a gifted poet you are! This is so poignant - the imagery a perfect reflection of what the heart feels. Lovely.
love the two voices...between 1 & 3 and 2 & 4...three is my fav as it get a bit gruesome...and real...smiles.
loved it! Write on! :)
Petrina,
Obviously meant for someone dear to one's heart and a pledge to be together for a long time. Love knows no bounds, yes!. Love it!
A very tender and fascinating poem, Petrina-- Excellent incorporation of the prompt: I too was struck by the blades...xxxj
you trapped me with the second set of lines,, brilliant :)
Lovely poem. I like the rusted sunshine line.
..i like how you baked the theme this week with the imposition of 'rust' and 'sunshine' in a very luscious communion.. adorable imagery and sensuality.(:
Brightest blessings!
~Kelvin
Your ease with form always amazes me! This is so beautiful and flows so well. It's a true and poignant statement about enduring love.
Really well though out poem.
I love when form seems unformed it comes so easily. I liked the repeat of the second stanza.
Wonderful word choices as well.
I know nothing of form, but I know a good poem when I read it. This IS one!
I love that you explore form. I am totally undisciplined, and I must confess very reluctant to try to learn.
I admire you. And this poem is lovely. I think you did a great job of matching this picture prompt.
Myrna
(Daily Spirit)
Lovely poem I enjoyed reading this very much
Your imagery is always so rich. I especially love "rusted sunshine" and "sunstripped days." A piercingly beautiful poem.
Rich imagery ... vivid passion ... enjoyed reading ... liked the contrasting voices. Well done, Petrina! Thank you for sharing!
great to see you at OpenLinkNight...smiles. already commented so thought i would just say hi...
I like these lines:
"Rusted sunshine twirls the blade so neatly,
cuts deep in time, of a long ago day,
the soul dies with a love shared once sweetly,
leaving pieces of dreams sprinkled this way"
Thanks for sharing this....
Skillful attempt at iambic pentameter, all too rare in the Bloggo world.
Poignant and sad in bits and pieces of dreams. I don't know this form but like your repetition in the poem.
I call this a "le sigh" poem.
beautifully worded, beautifully written..
thank you for such loveliness..
Sad and beautiful. Pretty nice sound here too.
The rhyme scheme follows the rhyme royal perfectly, but you're right on the meter. But the poem stands just fine on its own two feet, or however many. ;_) Enjoyed the images, the sense of time changing things between the two stanzas.
Hard to lose someone you love. Yet, your words seem to have acceptance in them.
Bitter sweet and lovely.
love the refrain...the clouded moments and rusted sunshine...flows together very nicely...also the showering...makes me feel it
I love the poem. And I just realized that I know absolutely nothing about poetry. But I know what I like!
this has a lovely flow to it and is quite haunting well done!
It was a great take, good job!
Well, you certainly did the form much better justice than I! Wonderful share...even though I've taken to running away from rhyme royal while screaming my head off! :)
Nice how you combined all of these prompts into one..and using the form....a nice read and sound..bkm
Hello Petrina
Loved the poem. I am not educated about the form, but I can tell you this with or without this is a perfect piece of writing. The third stanza is breathaking. Beautiful work.
Cheers
Padmavani
I like the poem, especially given the strict meter and rhyme you have chosen to be constrained by. True talent and imagination can find the contraints of form yet another stimulus for creativity.
A wonder of a poem, Petrina.
— K
Kay, Alberta, Canada
An Unfittie's Guide to Adventurous Travel
You weave words so marvelously!! Amazing imagery.
Loved the form, the refrain you created is simply beautiful. ~ Rose
This is full of rich images and is a beautiful read.
Too good...you are such a erudite poet :)
Oh, Petrina, this brings forth so many emotions. Well done.
Awesome imagery! Love this one! :-)
I love "towers of cumulonimbus dreams". Nice.
This turned out to be a lovely combination of themes and form! Beautifully done, I love the repetition :)
This is a great line, "leaving pieces of dreams sprinkled this way" love the image that sparks, and truly there are many strong images here. Enjoyed this! :)
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