tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post5369486742737432006..comments2024-01-22T01:09:58.991-08:00Comments on Reflections of....: Today's Item up for Crit: Elusive Remains...Reflectionshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09655163868990155242noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-27106108869395373822011-08-20T09:40:36.546-07:002011-08-20T09:40:36.546-07:00That is the wonder of poetry--that it can be so mu...That is the wonder of poetry--that it can be so multivalent. A soldier? A lover? A student gone off to school? But it makes me think of a tragedy that just happened to a young man right off the shore here. Lost, literally, in a boating accident. How awful for his family. They are still waiting :(<br />Such a powerful, timely poem.Elizabeth Rose Stantonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05725663688810441280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-76813659360520263582011-08-20T08:39:47.182-07:002011-08-20T08:39:47.182-07:00I'll say the same thing everybody else has sai...I'll say the same thing everybody else has said.<br />Your pain and longing are palpable. I hope the one you are waiting for will come back to you.Frikohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04277167831642088694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-84057134635985542502011-08-20T08:03:05.498-07:002011-08-20T08:03:05.498-07:00Hi Petrina,
the feeling of longing for someone mis...Hi Petrina,<br />the feeling of longing for someone missing, the heartbreak is felt well through the stanzas.<br /><br />I have one suggestion, for the first stanza, perhaps if you take off the "might" in line 3, it would make it a bit stronger, so as the "...when you just" -<br />- and you let it hang there, in a way creating suspense...<br />"might be standing beyond the doorway..."<br /><br />Lovely write. Sad.<br /><br />~Thank you for sharing.<br />deb.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11464524804643959314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-58711262975675829142011-08-20T06:03:33.901-07:002011-08-20T06:03:33.901-07:00beautiful sentiments.
welcome join us this Sunday...beautiful sentiments.<br /><br />welcome join us this Sunday,Jingle Poetry At Olive Gardenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14591535202657302861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-76084439547240230072011-08-19T21:43:47.874-07:002011-08-19T21:43:47.874-07:00I enjoyed this read and see that a person is missi...I enjoyed this read and see that a person is missing for some unexplained reason. Well written.seasideauthorhttp://seasideauthor.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-87272797573398766342011-08-19T08:12:45.325-07:002011-08-19T08:12:45.325-07:00Hello Petrina—
You have done a wonderful job of d...Hello Petrina—<br /><br />You have done a wonderful job of depicting an agonizing wait… and sense of longing for unanswered questions. The unbearable state of ‘not knowing’ is palpable.<br /><br />My sense is that the content is related to a missing person, such as a soldier, but I think it would be easy for readers to weave their own “unanswered questions” into this piece as they are reading.<br /><br />My only suggestions would be to go through this and strip of some of the redundant or cliché words/phrasing such as the use of ‘heart’ which is used in several stanzas. I would try to come up with a unique/modern way to express that sentiment, such as; essence, core, self, etc. I think it would make the piece stronger. <br /><br />I really enjoyed reading this poignant piece. Thanks for linking up.Christi Moonhttp://www.letterstothemoon.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-73140622731821086392011-08-19T08:08:38.420-07:002011-08-19T08:08:38.420-07:00I thought of a missing person, but like you say, t...I thought of a missing person, but like you say, the layers keep revealing nuances and differences of similar tales...but the loss is well on display. Thought this wonderful...but sadTashtoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15847190224960829574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-46861264206703747072011-08-19T06:09:50.564-07:002011-08-19T06:09:50.564-07:00Thank you all for your comments... obviously the s...Thank you all for your comments... obviously the surface write is there, the heartfelt wait. <br /><br /> Yet when I reread it yesterday, I realized how much this could and probably was a metaphor of... the loss of oneself, waiting, knowing that distant part of oneself, just beyond.<br /><br />Or the distant friend/family who was once an everyday part of ones life, then separated by distance, feeling as if things are missing, just not quite how they should be.<br /><br />I know it's my piece, yet I see so many layers beyond the surface... and it was written about a missing person as the surface shows.Reflectionshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09655163868990155242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-17890964229238478382011-08-19T05:24:07.788-07:002011-08-19T05:24:07.788-07:00mmm...def feel the waiting for the one...a rather ...mmm...def feel the waiting for the one...a rather hollow feeling livin without them constantly waiting and seeing them out of th ecorners of eye...Brian Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00722940075884718007noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-61176735477035282142011-08-19T03:01:29.045-07:002011-08-19T03:01:29.045-07:00Claudia - I felt the same! Must be something in it...Claudia - I felt the same! Must be something in it? <br /><br />Here from the linky - My entry<br />http://wordsinsync.blogspot.com/2011/03/poem-eternal-bondage-monday-madness.htmlShah Whartonhttp://wordsinsync.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8648523465599478681.post-28597057493278640972011-08-19T01:04:40.035-07:002011-08-19T01:04:40.035-07:00this is a very emotional and heart wrenching piece...this is a very emotional and heart wrenching piece petrina - i wonder if it is about a soldier, missed but not sure if he's dead or still alive somewhere and then the waiting, the longing, the not knowing - very well expressed.Claudiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03011763027311966186noreply@blogger.com